FAG.

How many girls have you reaped of their feelings?
How many lies have you kept secret?

You're nothing but low life scum.
You motherfucking bastard.
Liar.


I hadn't blogged in a long long time.
I feels as though I've forgotten that I ever had a blog.

Today, I feel compelled to post;
because I needed a space to ranter some thoughts that are in my head.

Now let's just say,
I met this boy over the internet about 2 years ago.

And our flirtatious ways soon made us emotionally attached to each other.

Or so it seemed.

He's a little dumbwitted at times,
But he always made me smile.

I was naive,
I was foolish.

I believed that one day,
We would finally get to meet each other.

And so we did.
But not quite so.

He told me he was going to come over to Singapore,
But then he came down with dengue.

I made a video.
A very ugly video.
Though I wasn't tech savvy,
I still made that video.

It's all about you.
It's all about you...

Then we had first major fight.

Silly you might say,
but we fought over a computer game.

I thought we were together.
Just suddenly, we were together.

But he broke my heart the next day,
when he told me he had to marry someone else.

Why, I asked.
"I already promised." he replied.

So for days I sulked.
For days I ignored him.

When their big day came,
I actually wanted to crash their wedding.

But I didn't.

I had nothing to say.

That night,
I sent an SMS to my guild leader.

He's a kind man,
and he consoled me.

The next thing I knew,
he was down on his knees.

He wasn't begging;
He was in misery.

His cousin looked for me,
to tell me he had gone crazy.

Locked in his own room,
He was laughing with tears in his eyes.

And ver since,
That boy and I never spoke.

For about half a year, we never spoke.
And suddenly last year,
He told me;
about his girlfriend from the office.

Nevermind.
And so I ignored.

We never spoke again..

Until last month that is.

I thought the feeling had died down.
I thought all of yesterday's feelings were lost in time.

It's been long since we last chat.

So I sent him and SMS.

Soon there after,
I found myself thinking of him.. again.

I wasn't paying any attention in class;
I was day dreaming about us.
I couldn't get to sleep at night;
I was reminiscing our past.

Day by day,
I beated around the bush.

Did I really miss him?

Then one fine day,
I told him I still loved him.
Without thinking,
I told him I still liked him.

But his reply never came.

I thought he wasn't going to talk to me ever again.

But a few days later,
I left him a message on MSN messenger.

"Harlo woman." he said.

It seemed as though nothing had happened.
It seemed that he had cleanly forgotten.

Guilty as charged,
I myself ccannot remember;
Remember the times, the dates and the all the things we did together.

I guess the love we had wasn't strong enough.
Or perhaps, it was never real.

But why do I still feel this midget in my heart?

Just hours ago I found out something I shouldn't have known.

I never had a place in his heart.
My ranking, was now way below and off the charts.

I think I still like him.
I think I still do.

But right now,
There's nothing left to say.

So don't ask why I'm manly,
Don't ask why I don't wear skirts anymore.
Stop asking me why I'm all boyish now.

Shut the fuck up
And go die.